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Post by Sosua Gal on Dec 7, 2006 8:21:15 GMT -4
Did you hear a new Sushi Bar has opened up, specifically for lawyers???
It's called Sosumi.
;D
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Post by Sosua Gal on Dec 7, 2006 9:19:49 GMT -4
Defense Lawyer's Good News
"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client.
"What's the bad news?"
The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene."
"Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?"
"Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."
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Post by coppersun2001 on Dec 8, 2006 10:58:22 GMT -4
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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Post by coppersun2001 on Dec 8, 2006 10:59:31 GMT -4
This joke was told in Court the other day::
How many Lawyers does it take to grease a combine??
Only one ---but---you have to slide him through realllllllllllly slowllllllllllly.
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Post by Sosua Gal on Dec 12, 2006 8:22:03 GMT -4
LOL Copper!~~
I knew you'd appreciate this thread!
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koolkat
More than a Regular
Posts: 103
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Post by koolkat on Dec 12, 2006 11:08:36 GMT -4
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind."
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Post by coppersun2001 on Dec 12, 2006 11:23:55 GMT -4
An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him
about,"What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on
and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and
poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs
to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband's' rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed, "For crying out loud, woman, don't you ever stop??!"
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Post by Sosua Gal on Dec 12, 2006 16:12:47 GMT -4
I LOVE the little boy one!!!
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Post by Spanky on Dec 22, 2006 23:51:36 GMT -4
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?  His lips are moving.  |
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Post by Spanky on Dec 22, 2006 23:52:27 GMT -4
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. |
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Post by Spanky on Dec 22, 2006 23:56:38 GMT -4
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Post by Spanky on Dec 22, 2006 23:58:07 GMT -4
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
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No?
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Good!
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Post by Spanky on Dec 30, 2006 23:24:07 GMT -4
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.
As he passed raging fire pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
'That's unfair!' he cried. 'I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.'
'Shut up,' barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.
'Who are you to question that woman's punishment?'
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Post by Spanky on Jan 19, 2007 11:27:55 GMT -4
A man accused of robbing a bank was tried for the final time and was found guilty. Just before he was taken away, the man looked the judge in the eye and said, "Would it be okay if I called you a son of a bitch?"
The judge's face went red and he roared, "It most certainly would not! I'd add another two years onto your sentence!"
The defendant nodded and then asked, "Would it be okay if I THOUGHT you were a son of a bitch?"
The judge was becoming very annoyed but replied, "Yes, I suppose that would be okay. I obviously have no control over your thoughts."
The defendant smiled and said, "Well, in that case, judge, I think you are a son of a bitch!"
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Post by alanread on Jan 24, 2007 13:22:58 GMT -4
A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.
The attorney asks, "Before you signed the
death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"
The coroner says, "No."
T
he attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"
"No."
"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken
any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me
put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my
desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law
somewhere."
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