Golf, anyone ???

[Mac]

Sign at the Golf Club in Brooks, Alta.
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please..while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.

Well done!!!

Now flush the urinal, go outside and tee off.

[Shawn the Plumber]

Mr Smith was a workaholic and when he wasn't in the office he was golfing, so In order for him and Mrs Smith to get more quality time together, they decide Mrs Smith should take golf lessons.
At he first lesson the golf instructor said, "OK Mrs Smith, what I'd like you to do is tee up a ball and drive it, so I can see your natural swing." So Mrs Smith tees up a ball, smacks it, and it dribbles off a few feet to the right.
The instructor thinks a second and said, "You're not gripping the club tightly enough. Hold on a bit more firmly and try again."
Mrs Smith tees up another ball, smokes it, and this time it goes a bit farther but toodles off into the bushes to her left.
The instructor paused a bit and said, "Now you're gripping the club too tightly. Try holding the club as if it was your husband's penis."
Mrs Smith tees up another ball, and this time she cranks that ball 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway!
The instructor said, "That was beautiful, Mrs Smith! Now if you take the club out of your mouth we can work on putting."